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Building Resilience

Writer's picture: Meredith GardnerMeredith Gardner

As you keep taking courageous steps, you build resilience. 


As you build resilience, you keep taking courageous steps. 


But where is the actual starting place?


Understanding your nervous system is the groundwork upon which the foundation of self-awareness and other coping skills can be built. 


courageous steps to build resilience. Life coach near me, Christian life coach, Critic, inner critic, Moral courage, self-doubt

Nervous System 101


The nervous system has two main parts: Central and Peripheral. The Autonomic Nervous System is part of the Peripheral. 


The Central Nervous System (CNS) contains your brain and spinal cord. It is responsible for conscious thought and movement. You can learn to consciously control it. 


The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) has two main branches, Sympathetic and Parasympathetic, and regulates INVOLUNTARY processes such as heart rate, respiration, and digestion. You cannot consciously control it. 


The Sympathetic Nervous System is wired to come “online” when it’s activated due to a stressor and then return to homeostasis, “home base” or “rest and digest”. 


If the SNS is activated too frequently, or is in a state of constant activation, there can be negative results such as chronic illness or pain.


If the ANS (lower brain) perceives a threat and the stress response is activated (Sympathetic Nervous System), all resources go towards survival. The need to think, reason or communicate is “offline”. Therefore, we lose access to our thinking skills when we enter into a stress response. Digestion also slows. 


We therefore need to learn how to get back to the “rest and digest” state. 


The Challenging Part


Your ANS was formed from conception and is unique to you. Your cells and experiences shaped it, creating “imprints”. You may or may not be aware of what those imprints are until they are challenged. Even then, you don’t recognize that challenge originating from within, you will likely blame external circumstances. 


As a baby you were unable to take care of yourself and relied on your caregivers and their ability to soothe, comfort and “regulate” you when challenged through hunger, pain, fear, etc. 


“Co-regulation” is a process where two or more individuals work together to regulate their responses to circumstances (that includes emotional, physiological and behavioral).


We learned to co-regulate through tracking our caregivers. If our caregiver was unable to provide us with co-regulating support, we responded by adapting and creating patterns that lead to dysregulation. 


If we get stuck in a constant state of dysregulation due to trauma, we are not able to find our way back to connection and safety. 


If put into an equation the Autonomic Nervous System response would look like this:


STRESSOR + PAST LEARNING + PERCEIVED THREAT = STRESS RESPONSE


It’s important to recognize that because of the uniqueness of our past learning and ANS, what is a stressor or perceived threat to one person may not be considered such to another person. 


Different States


Depending on how your ANS perceives the information it is experiencing, it moves into different states. This prepares you for what action you may need to take. 


When your nervous system scans and perceives danger, it moves into a sympathetic state of Hyperarousal. This is also known as Fight/Flight/Freeze and is a state of protection. 


If your nervous system perceives extreme danger (life threatening) it moves into the parasympathetic state of shutdown or collapse also called Hypoarousal. This leads to immobilization, which is also a state of protection and disconnection. 


In both Hyper and Hypo states, you lose access to your thinking and language skills. I’m sure you’ve experienced that before! 


Another branch of the parasympathetic state is Homeostasis. This is where we feel safe, connection and resilience. This is where you have all of your thinking and language skills. This is “Home Base”. Many people, due to lack of co-regulation, life experiences or personality traits may not have spent much time in “home”. (This information on the nervous system comes from coach, Leah Davidson)


Resilience


The size of Home Base, also known as the “Zone of Resilience” is influenced by past or present trauma, illness, adversity, personality, relationships and even fatigue. 


This zone of resilience can be increased through self-connection practices. 


This includes somatic (“of the body”) exercises such as belly breathing, cold exposure (showers or ice plunges) and EFT Tapping. Movement like swaying or going for a walk is also beneficial. Crying, humming, hugging and kissing are very connecting - which is what we are wired to desire.


Mental exercises include meditation and awareness of thoughts, emotions and actions. Journaling and talking help reveal underlying pain that may not be on the surface. I’ve included images you can use as a screensaver on your phone. 


The Good News


We cannot stop our nervous system from responding, that would put us in even greater danger,  but we can strengthen the way it responds by acknowledging and connecting to it. 


This may still require co-regulation with an outside individual; like a good friend, therapist or life coach. 


Intentionally and consistently practicing connecting with yourself when you’re in “Home Base” will help you take courageous steps during and after periods of stress to bring yourself back there. 


This is the process of Building Resilience. It is work. It is uncomfortable. 


It is worth it. 


Xo,

Meredith


Schedule a free 30 minute call with me HERE if you are interested in working with a Life Coach.





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Meredith Gardner, Inner Critic Coach
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