Every afternoon around 2 or 3 pm my mind cries out for a treat. My body even gets fidgety if I don’t answer that urge.
If I’m not paying attention I quickly respond to that urge with whatever is easiest to grab. Within a short time I’ve eaten too much and feel sick.
The pattern moves from impulse to self-loathing as I get down on myself for being weak, stupid and impulsive.
You can see how repeating this pattern every afternoon damaged the relationship I have with myself.
You’ve likely created Patterns of Provocation similar to this one.
So how did we get here and how can we stop it?
Before we can change it, we have to know what’s provoking that initial urge. Let’s stick with the afternoon treat example.
It likely goes back years, but it didn’t take long to create; you were bored, or maybe you were anticipating the kids getting home from school, or you had a deadline to meet by the end of the day etc etc.
You felt anxious at 3pm and solved it with a treat.
That treat flooded your brain with dopamine and the anxiety was relieved.
Your brain filed away that experience under - Treats in the Afternoon Get You Through Discomfort - and now it prioritizes repeating it and even creates the urge at that time.
In a way, It is provoking you to get what it wants: Dopamine, Pleasure and Avoided Discomfort.
Because the brain is so efficient, these Provocations call forth thoughts, emotions and actions that are so automatic you may feel you have no control over them.
By the time you’re an adult your brain has created many patterns that provoke and direct you to a specific reaction.
Creating new patterns for 3pm could look like this:
Identify what is creating your afternoon urges (for me it's feeling behind on my business tasks). This helps you stop feeling powerless against them. Then, work to create a different pattern that works better for you.
Getting specific as you can on the business tasks you're focused on completing that day so that you have clarity.
You don't have to completely squash that afternoon urge, it might be nice having a break at that time of day. You can prepare ahead by having snacks on hand that are better for you: Sparkling or flavored water, a pickle wrapped in cheese, or celery and peanut butter provide you with needed energy but not unneeded highly processed foods.
When you do choose a sweet treat, work to stay present with it so that you don’t overeat and unintentionally strengthen the pattern you're actually trying to change.
Not all types of provocation are negative though.
Your brain has created patterns that provoke you to love, help, laugh and work hard, just to name a few. Your brain isn't your enemy, it just shouldn't be left alone to run the show.
The key is to identify your Patterns of Provocation and make them work FOR you, not against you.
You really do get to decide to replace these patterns if they aren’t helpful.
If they are damaging your relationship to yourself or others, do you really want to hang on to them?
Your brain will fight to keep the easy, predictable dopamine fix.
But you are strong and capable and with time, you will create a healthier pattern.
Healthier because it’s aligned with what you really want and honors who you really are.
And that’s the strongest kind of pattern there is!!
Xo,
Meredith
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