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Nurturing Connection with Others

I stood in a room full of people and felt completely alone.

It was not the first time I experienced this; but it would be one of the last.

Because as I scanned the room, wondering why nobody was talking to me, a powerful idea entered my mind:

What if I'm not here to be seen, but to show others that I see them?

The idea was invigorating. I suddenly felt hopeful and scanned the room again looking for that person that needed to be seen.

I found her, walked toward her, and had a lovely conversation.

I felt a complete shift in my energy; Just minutes before I'd been stewing in the self-pity of believing that nobody thought I was interesting enough to talk to; Therefore I made no attempt to be interesting or show interest in anyone else.

Isn't it interesting how self-absorbed you become when you're wrapped up in self-loathing? Self-absorption is not thinking mostly about how great you are - it's thinking mostly about your own interests or thoughts. Positive or Negative.

How grateful I am that when I was presented with another option - to focus on showing others that I see them - I took it; for it pulled me out of the self-absorption I was immersed in.

John C. Maxwell wrote a book entitled Everyone Communicates, Few Connect in which he teaches that when connecting with others, we must be able to communicate an attitude of selflessness.

He says that there are three questions people are asking themselves when they interact with others.

  1. Do You Care For Me?

  2. Can You Help Me?

  3. Can I Trust You?

If we are wrapped up in worrying about our insecurities and problems, we are less capable of showing we care about others, less likely to offer help and unlikely to be found trustworthy.

You don't best answer those questions by directly saying "I care for you, I can help you", you answer them in the way you listen, in the interest you show and by being present in the moment.

Another key - the better you are at caring for, helping and trusting yourself, the more effectively you will convey that you can do those things for others.

Nurturing connection with yourself nurtures connection with others.



P.S. Don't forget I'll be LIVE on FaceBook July 17th at Noon MDT. Follow me HERE to RSVP and get a reminder.

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