About 15 years ago, I believed I was failing life.
I wasn't doing motherhood or budgeting very well.
I couldn't achieve the goals I set for myself.
And I was often grumpy and moody.
I said things to myself like,
"I'm just not meant to be ______________ (fill in anything successful, positive or inspiring here)."
"There must be something wrong with me."
"Motherhood has been disappointing."
"I hate money."
Worst of all...
"I hate who I am."
I nurtured these thoughts on a daily basis. They grew big, strong and deep until they were solid, core beliefs.
These beliefs caused me to shame myself and point a finger of blame toward others.
My Inner Critic was driving my life - I thought everything it told me was absolutely true.
Years into this pattern, I realized I didn't dare Hope anymore. It felt too scary.
What if I hoped for something and it never happened because I messed it up? I didn't feel strong enough to take that risk without having guaranteed success.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I have regularly heard that it's important to have Faith, Hope and Charity.
It became another area in which I was failing.
As I learned to turn toward my Inner Critic for self-connection, support and greater understanding, my fear of being hopeful loosened it's grip.
I felt hopeful about my ability to be hopeful.
"Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life." - Proverbs 13:12
This is the season of Hope:
Hope at the news of Christ's birth.
Hope for the promises He has made to us.
Hope for gathering with those we love.
Hope for the coming year.
Include and nurture Hope for yourself and watch how your tree of life Grows!
Xo,
Meredith
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